fall back plan

if you can't rely on being charming or funny or witty or "cool" when you're meeting new people...fall back on your conversation skills.

you don't need to be anything i listed above, but just listen and respond and that will be almost more then enough for someone to start to like you.

constant realization

things are going pretty decent with the boy. met up with him last night and on the drive home, he started at least attempting to say something to me that held quite a bit of weight and initially i was pretty offended.

he told me that he doesn't think i believe everything he tells me. and honestly for the longest time i didn't understand what he said.

eventually, he told me that he thought i was very jaded.

and. sadly. it's kinda still true.

and i know where this conversation stemmed from, it's because he was admitting himself that most guys are dogs...but he's an exception. which i totally believe to be true, but thats not what i said to him. he's told me about his girl friends, and for jokes, i've kinda made a bit of a stink about it...but to me it's all in good fun, but that gives the impression that i am jaded and that i so think he's like everyone else.

and looking back at what i've said and done i can see why he thinks that way. the ironic thing is that it's not true. i guess it's hard for me to admit to him that i do think he's a great guy and that he is an exception. why.

why. why. why.

because then he know's that i really like him. a lot. and that's something that for some reason is difficult for me. i need to change that though because i don't ever want him to think that i'm skeptical of him or his actions.

so complicated.

so good

i am feeling so content with my life right now, its almost unbelievable. as i sit here on a lazy monday with my warm cup of tea, listening to a few of my favorite tracks...i can't help but just sit back and appreciate everything that's going on right now. most of us don't realize how fortunate we are. and life isn't perfect. and nor will it ever be. but looking at everything i do have right now, i can't help but smile.

so things were kind of rough with my mom for the past 2-3 weeks. i don't know why to be honest with you. i really feel that she can't be happy for me when i'm happy. she is definitely a bit selfish in that way, in that she's only happy when all my efforts and energy are being put into her or the house. and although that's a part of what i do, but i have selfish needs as well. hanging out with my friends and being social is something i do strictly for myself - and when i do that, she always has issues. but for the past couple of days things have somehow automatically resolved! lol - i guess sometimes it just takes time.

things with the boy are going really good. i'm surprised with how well we get along and whats more is how natural everything feels. there have been irritations here and there, but i think that happens with anyone and we do get things resolved in a very mature and calm way! so i really can't complain. he's actually a sweet guy which is rare to find. i'm still find i'm keeping myself in check, i keep telling myself its only been 2 months since i've met him. its only been 2 months. that kind of keeps me grounded, otherwise i feel like i would get completely caught up in him - and that's not something that i want to do. not yet anyways. he hasn't earned that yet :P

i know we're still going through our honeymoon phase, because we're so smitten with one another. and we see each other often and don't get sick of each others company. things feel good.

i hope i'm not making people barf with how happy i am. lol. that's is a concern for me though. not everyone is able to see the good in their lives, no matter what else is lacking. i know coming from me that might sound like a bit of a contradiction because i've had so many "i hate my life, why is nothing working out for me" blog posts. but i did make a conscious effort to be more positive and that has made a huge difference in 2009. i know it sounds cheese!!! believe me, i would not be writing this type of a post a year ago! i was the most skeptical and negative person out there but i'm trying not to be like that anymore and i truly feel that good things have come into my life because of that.

ok - i'm not being cheese. but things are good my friends!

catch up!

dudes! i have tonnes to write about but can't seem to find enough time. but here are some points i must cover very very soon!

- my mom is absolutely driving me insane!!! i think she doesn't like me anymore...at least she acts that way.
- updates with the new boy. we've decided to only see eachother (so other boy has been dropped) and things have been good for the most part. but i'm super aggitated with him right now. key phrase is "actions speak louder than words"
- are there any couples out there that don't cheat on one another anymore? i've heard so many celebrity and non-celebrity stories as of late and its very discouraging :(

will elloborate later!

YA RIGHT VACATION!

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

so why is it, that right before i leave on a vacation shit needs to hit the fan? I'm leaving Friday night and first of all I'm sick as helllllll, secondly my parents are giving me such a hard time about leaving...but its like....hello! i'm already booked, there's no point in giving me a hard time now! and thirdly WORK SUCKS!

i need to take a sick day, but can't afford to.

just an update

i'm better.

i'm not going to commit to anyone unless they're willing to commit to me. and this point, neither guy has had that conversation with me. am i leaning towards one more so than the other? yes.

so, i know i'm going to have to break up with one of them, which i will do. but i'm not driving myself bonkers thinking about it.

well. at least not today :P

on a side note - why am i only hearing about kings of leon now?!?!

i don't know what i want. i feel like i should know.

this isn't as fun or as easy as i thought.

i don't know what to do.

(written 2 minutes after my last post...confused? a little.)

lying to myself

i told you i'm typically very guarded. in my past relationships i always feel i have to put up walls to protect myself. protect myself from being hurt.

i told you i've changed.

but the truth is that i haven't.

i'm keeping both guys in the picture to protect myself. so if one hurts me, i'll have the other one. when really. i know who i want.