scared

i can actually now feel myself falling for him. before when i knew he was more into me then i was into him, i felt somewhat safe and in control. and now i feel like the tables are slowly turning and its scaring the shit outta me.

all thought

i just realized that i'm all thought. you know how people always say "you can talk the talk but can't walk the walk". so with me, i think the thought...which translates into walking the walk.

talking the talk means that you're full of hot air, and you say you're going to do something but when it comes down to it, you can't or you won't. but if you think the thought and continually think the thought...you will do it.

you by-pass the shit talking and go straight from thought to action.

think the thought. have it manifest in your mind. it empowers you to walk the walk.

i figured it out!!!

if you want to be in a successful relationship you need to follow this:


desire < want < need

the natural way

these days, how often do relationships ever develop naturally? we're bombarded with rules and timelines and some pre-defined expectations so much so, that a lot of the time we force things to happen and if they don't happen, we assume things just won't work out.

and how organically do we even meet new people? i know for sure i can't say i do! most of the guys i'm meeting these days is online. not through friends or at parties - its online. and to be quite honest, i miss those days where you happen to bump into someone and strike up a converesation with them...and then they actually have to make an effort outside of finding you on facebook to get in touch with you. i don't know if its because of my age and more (indian) people are in the online dating world to specifically get married - so tend to feel rushed. everyone has a set of questions they want to run through and there's a whole set of rules (as i've been told anyways) around dating, online or not. if he doesn't call you within a week then he's not that interested, or if he doesn't call/text after a date that means it didn't go well. if he wants to meet up with you on the weekend, he has to ask you before the wednesday before the weekend for you to say yes. and we keep believing that these things need to happen in order to find out as soon as possible if the relationship is going to turn into something serious or not.

and now that i'm venting about this, it honestly is so prominent in the indian dating community. i'm kinda-ish talking to someone right now and i was getting very impatient with him if he didn't call or get in touch...and i kept putting myself down thinking that he's probably just not that into me. but you know what - i like the pace this relationship is going. its building its substance before jumping into definite - and its refreshing!!!!

looking back, i can definitely say that when i was in university i did meet people more organically and maybe once you're out of university, the reality is that meeting people that way is less common. but honestly...i want to take a down a notch. i want things to happen slowly.

i was told by a guy friend and some girl friends that on the 3rd date with my current dude, if he doesn't make a move then he's not into me in that way. and now that i'm thinking about it - i don't care if he does or not. that's not going to make me judge the way he feels about me. i mean if he did that would not only be great, but also it would make it very clear that he was into me...but i mean if that happens on the 4th or 5th or even 6th date...i think that clearly goes beyond some "rules"...but i'm ok with that. it totally feels more natural that way.

wow...i think i just had a revelation!

in the words of Tupak

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months over analyzing a situation trying to put together the pieces justifying what could've, should've, would've or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.

:)

opposites don't attract

since the beginning of this year i've been trying to be more "positive". Typically - i'm a very skeptical and always think of the worst possible outcome. but i've really been trying to change the way i think. i'm by no means the most optimistic person out there and i still don't always look on the bright side...but i am trying to do that more often. and since then, i'm beginning to notice the negative people in my life and i'm liking them just a bit less...and wanting to keep a bit of distance.

i've noticed one of my good friends is constantly negative about everything - and it brings me down too! and i don't think she can ever genuinely be happy for me, so i find myself being more reluctant sharing information with her. and the same goes for (no surprise here) my parents. they complain that i don't spend enough time with them and to be quite honest. i would...but every time i do they're sooooo negative and i don't want to be around!

sorry...will continue later.

right now

i'm getting lectured by my mom on how act like a girl.

:\